Saudis Outraged Because Beheading Taking ‘Way Too Long’

Saudis Outraged Because Beheading Taking ‘Way Too Long’

The Saudi Arabian government has come under attack from its citizens for taking eight whole years to behead a convicted woman, local media reports. Numerous eye-witnesses accounts describe unruly mobs shouting, “Off with her head,” “Death to the United States” and “Let’s go, Mets,” following the announcement of the long-anticipated beheading of a Saudi Arabian woman.

Saudis Outraged Because Beheading Taking ‘Way Too Long’

Laila Hafiz was sentenced to death by beheading in 2005 after her Saudi employer accused her of cutting off his own head. The man’s completely uncorroborated, seemingly impossible claim was accepted by Saudi court as bulletproof evidence when he said, “An eye for an eye, a head for a head,” although Miss Hafiz claimed innocence by pointing to her accuser’s full, unharmed head from which he was speaking. Despite this witch-like trickery, it took almost eight years for the death sentence come to realization, irking many in the Saudi general public who have cried out for justice.

“The new regulations, which limit the defendant’s rights at trial, were supposed to speed up the beheading process,” said Saudi spokesman Said Habib Ishmael. “We don’t allow them witnesses, they serve as their own lawyer – though they cannot technically speak at trial – and they have the right to appeal, but we don’t really tell them how. I’m really sorry this is taking so long. I thought this thing was in the bag – and by ‘thing’ I mean this woman’s head.”

Analysts say the Saudis have taken steps to speed up the beheading process in the future. After decapitating the former minister of beheadings, the royal family ordered three brand new, automatic Behead-O-Tron 5000 machines considered state of the art in the industry. “They better do something, because this is taking way too long” said Shahid Jamil, one of the protesters. “By the time my kids get to see it, they’ll be all grown up and then it’s just not as special. The magic’s gone, you know?” Mr. Jamil went on to say that if the lethal display takes much longer to stage, he risks having to think about the terrible condition of civil liberties in his country.

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